In ITALY (this does not apply to ItAms, as I cannot make definite statements about a culture that has so little amount of SELF REPRESENTATION and therefore has not been able to SELF REVEAL)..
in ITALY -- I was saying --- men, and more recently women as well, see cheating as harmless, particularly among married people.
Until very recently, married people saw themselves as LOYAL and FAITHFUL to their marriage even when they were cheating. Both men and women always tried to avoid "discovering" the betrayal. They sort of knew something was going on, but they pretended to be in the dark. That was the norm: The ultimate goal was always to save and preserve marriage. All the rest was secondary.
They would not seek divorce because of a sexual infatuation. Marriage was the house where they lived, build on rocks. An affair was like rented second house at the beach. Usually, both people involved in an affair were fully aware of the circumstances and cultural boundaries of their relationship.
In that perspective, the issue of HONESTY and SINCERITY was seen as secondary to that of AUTHENTICITY: authenticity allows people to harbor conflicting feelings and emotions at the same time. Instead, sincerity and honesty seem based on a binary system: yes-no, either 0 or 1 (computer logic.)
Of course, if the cuckhold in the couple discovered the betrayal the reaction was rather "passionate." This is what lots and lots of Italian comedy is based on. However, in real life, the outcome was seldom divorce.
I am not trying to depict this as an ideal situation or a model to be pursued. These are ONLY personal observations of behaviors --not "moral judgments"-- from which I derived personal opinions and hypotheses (i.e. my explanations of those behaviors.)
Moonstruck seems to me a credible representation of Italian culture by Italians who speak English. I do not have sufficient knowledge to conclude that this is also acceptable as representation of Italian Americans.
I read various books on the idea of marriage being a "rock". It was surprising when I read in my 18th century drama class that people were willing to have affairs in marriage. It was "cool" to have someone on the side. It is hard to judge a civilization on moral values when their moral values was making sure they were happy. That came first before their marriage and if loyalty didn't make them happy, it was either kill their husbands or have an affair.
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